


Of Hobbit Poetry and Insanity

by Daryl_Alenko



Series: The Family Gibbs [1]
Category: NCIS, Stargate Atlantis, Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Light Angst, M/M, So Wrong It's Right, The Hobbit References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 13:51:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17184203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daryl_Alenko/pseuds/Daryl_Alenko
Summary: McKay is running from an 'insane' situation and finds himself in N.C.I.S. Despite reuniting with an old friend, he's desperate to escape the building before he runs into Gibbs or Sheppard shows up.(Does not contain any actual Hobbit poetry, just the mention of it. Teen Wolf charcters are not mentioned until the end.)





	Of Hobbit Poetry and Insanity

**Author's Note:**

> So. This started as roughly 1000 words of crack and morphed into this insanity for which I have no explanation. Please enjoy!!

Oh God ... by the Ancients .. sweet, merciful Buddha .... the Lonely God ... Mahal .. and every other deity he has never quite believed in, please SAVE HIM!

Because there is no WAY this is happening!

Dr. Rodney McKay finds himself crouched in the middle of a bullpen with some of the ugliest colored walls he has ever seen. But then, no place can ever be as pretty as Atlantis, so of course it's ugly. 

It's not until he sees the giant letters N.C.I.S. on the wall that he realizes how truly screwed he is.

"Uh ... did anyone order a traumatized tech geek and forget to tell us? Because honestly, I am in a McGeek terrorizing mood, even if it's not our own Probie." A slightly rough, strained, obviously masculine voice makes Rodney think of the situation he has just escaped and he quickly tucks his head between his burning thighs as he struggles not to do something as unmanly as faint. 

Again.

God! He will -never- live that down!! Though good thing Sheppard isn't here.

Again.

But no, this is MUCH worse than that. He won't even pretend to hope that this will turn out okay. After all, when is Leroy Jethro Gibbs ever -NOT- at work!?

"Damn it, Tony, it's too early for this." A slightly higher, more pleasant voice whines somewhere in the distance and Rodney jackrabbits to his feet. He even stretches his arms out and to the sides imploringly.

"LITTLE BUNNY!" He watches with half hysterical delight as one Probationary Agent Timothy McGee's eyes widen and fill with a shocking amount of warmth.

"McKay!!" McGee's usually casual, semi-professional demeanor cracks as he practically screams the name. Imagine DiNozzo's surprise when McGee elbows him out of the way and tackles the middle aged man.

"Oh, my sweet ickle bunny!" Rodney croons the words sweetly. "I have missed you my burglar-minion!" Everyone in the bullpen has stopped working to watch the odd display before them. Namely the moment Agent McGee is lifted into deceptively strong arms.

Then spun around.

By a mysterious stranger oozing hysteria.

In the middle of N.C.I.S.

"Oh God, you do -not- get to say things like that! That is my -private shame-, Meredith!" McGee squeaks the words even as he struggles out of the man's arms.

"Since when is McGee dating a handsome older man?" Ziva is standing at a sort of covert sense of attention that McGee is pretty sure she could still wreak utter havoc from without breaking a sweat.

Or blinking.

Or really performing any movement beyond instant death.

"Did you just call him -Meredith-?? Wait ... what?? Boyfriend!? McLovin', you've been holding out on us, little man. Hi! Welcome to N.C.I.S. And may I just say, any embarrassing stories about our Probie would be greatly appreciated." This time, there is nothing -half- hysterical about the insane laughter that bubbles up from his spasming throat.

"I am -not- Little Bunny's boyfriend. In fact, that is just gross! He was barely even legal when he was struggling to woo me with very bad Hobbit poetry! Honestly, I heard things compared to Oak that would make your head spin. And yet, surprisingly, did -not- make me fall instantly, desperately in love with him. Insane, right??" Okay. Despite how socially awkward he is, even -he- knows that he just dropped an A-bomb level of deadpan sass on the situational equivalent of an anthill, but sarcasm is one of his only defenses when he's struggling so hard to keep even a minute grasp on his sanity. Overkill is his default setting. Just ask Radek.

But do NOT ask Sheppard. Or Gibbs.

At this point, he's not even sure which is the lesser of two evils .. Sheppard or Gibbs. Okay, in the spirit of full, honest disclosure, he's about three seconds from throwing himself at the Italian gigilo (Tony) with promises of humiliating stories and his own personal reserves of alien tech that the man might need to take over the world in exchange for said gigilo getting him as far away from this potential shit storm as he can.

After all, what does he care what trouble some aging pretty boi might get up to on Earth? This isn't even his home -galaxy- anymore, let alone his home planet.

"Look here you discount, OO7 wannabe, I will supply you with embarrassing stories of Little Bunny if you will get me the hell out of -- oh God!!" He feels a sense of great disappointment and anger dripping down his spine and he doesn't know if it's his Sheppard-Sense, Gibbs-Sense, or Impending-Teyla-Cooking-Sense tingling, but only that last one is a situation he might actually survive!

".....ABORT!!" He screams that piece of sage, succinctly useless advice to no one in particular before shoving McGee toward the gigilo and making a mad dash for the elevator.

Unfortunately, this is proving Ronon's theory that his Fight or Flight instinct is busted harder than the rules of Bromances because the only elevator he can see is the one he is desperately trying to call.

(Upon hearing about 'epic bromances' Ronon had rolled his eyes and declared Earth men weird, soft, and a little stupid. Because on Sateda, all romance was -romance- you !!#'/\€!!! At that point, the Neanderthal had descended into a language that Rodney is 87% sure was designed specifically to troll them since they had no way of knowing what might be actual words and Ronon having some fun on their behalf.)

The ding of the elevator is the most beautiful musical note he has ever heard until he catches sight of a single pointed ear surrounded by fly away brunette hair. He turns on a dime, barely manages to avoid falling flat on his face, and dives behind the Italian gigilo. His hands latch firmly on the hips of the man, keeping him planted squarely in front of him.

As his human shield.

"I usually expect dinner before hip grabbing, man, just sayin'." The gigilo's voice is oscillating between confused, amused, and for some unfathomable reason, strained and jittery. Maybe embarrassment? Rodney shoves the curiosity from his mind and tightens his hands on the strong hips of the man in front of him.

"I will buy you a dozen pricey dinners, pretty boi, just stay exactly where you are." Rodney carefully peeks over the shoulders of the man, trying to remain calm despite the raging storm of emotions going on inside of him.

"Damn it, McKay!" Sheppard's voice is a study in exasperated fondness and Rodney doesn't trust it for a -second-. He is, after all, the smartest man in two galaxies for a reason! Sheppard whirls around once he steps off the elevator, easily zeroing in on the scientist.

More importantly, zeroing in on the placement of said scientist's hands. Sheppard instantly looks upset and on edge. The same look he often reserves for Wraith and Genii. 

"What the hell is going on here, Rodney?" Sheppard's voice has dropped to that smooth, friendly register that means he expects to whip out a P-90 any minute now and start firing. McKay has heard that tone far too many times in the past several years.

"Whatever is going on here is none of your business, Colonel Sheppard." Rodney sniffs heavily and leans a little closer to his human shield. "... or whatever you are." He has the good grace to wince ever so slightly at the perturbed look that crosses Sheppard's face, but he doesn't move away from his shield.

Nothing short of a Wraith attack would make him give up his protected position and the Wraith no longer have a way to Earth. So.

"Rodney .. what does that even mean? How many times do we have to do this? I'm -me-, damn it. Me-Me. Not bug-Me, fear monster-Me, or ... or Ancient doohickey-Me." It is truly a testament to how bizarre life in Pegasus is, that Sheppard must include such outrageous possibilities in his sentence. Of course, Rodney doesn't actually -believe- him because there is no way in hell that the real Colonel Sheppard would ever have perpetrated the events Rodney had just escaped from.

"It means exactly what it sounds like it means! There is no way in hell you're Sheppard! -Not- after that ... that -insanity- that just happened!" Rodney flinches when his hissed words cause the gigilo to wince and stiffen. Of course, the action may also have something to do with the words bug-Me. Or, you know, fear monster-Me. 

"Rodney. What, exactly, is so damn insane about it!? Is it the situation .. or is it just me?" That cool, flyboy exterior slips a little .. cracks at the edges and Rodney isn't sure how he actually feels about it. He's so used to Sheppard being this .... unshakeable rock and foundation and so the few times he has seen a glimpse of a frayed edge in the man, it has left him unsteady, untethered. But now, he is so very sure in his conviction that this isn't Sheppard, that he's still unsure how he's feeling.

"How can you stand there and even conceive of asking me that, John? Insane doesn't -begin- to cover it!" It is only when this impassioned outburst is met with silence that Rodney remembers they are in a very public place that -isn't- Atlantis. There, everyone is used to the odd conversations and spats he and John seem to have so often.

N.C.I.S. is definitely -not- the place for this discussion/argument.

"Uhm ... Rodney? Maybe you'd prefer a room to, uh, talk about whatever this is?" As always, McGee is both earnest and hesitant in his offer to help and Rodney is zurprjsed to find that he has actually missed his Little Bunny. 

"Not that this isn't a provocative conversation and you've got some, uhm, strong, kinda interesting hands there, but Probie is right. This seems like a conversation for private. Not to mention .. what are you guys doing here? How did you manage to get in N.C.I.S.?" The gigilo glances over his shoulder before looking toward Sheppard. Who has resumed his angry glaring at the mention of Rodney's hands. 

"Yeah, I'm not sure how I ended up here, actually. I was -definitely- not aiming for here." Rodney scowls as he admits that, a chance glance in Sheppard's direction showing that the Colonel has gone slightly pale. He compulsively licks his bottom lip before turning his glare on Rodney.

"N.C.I.S. We're in N.C.I.S. As in the place -Gibbs- works?" Sheppard's voice breaks on Gibbs' name and Rodney can't even begin to blame him. Gibbs is a scary S.O.B. after all.

"Seriously? How do you two not know where you are?"

"More importantly .. how do you know Gibbs?" The gigilo's incredulity is followed by McGee's curiosity and Rodney exchanges an uncomfortable look with Sheppard.

"Right. Well. I think escape is the plan of the hour, Sheppard. Before Gibbs finds out --"

"Too late, Meredith." Gibbs' dry, alpha delivery causes both Rodney and Sheppard to stand a little straighter and also causes Rodney to grip gigilo a little tighter. 

"Gibbs." Both of them drawl the name out a little stilted but full of respect for the older man.

"Sheppard. What the hell are you doing here?" Though the words are delivered with Gibbs' usual non-personal, gruff tone, both men know better. They know Gibbs well enough to know that he's a ticking time bomb and any little thing might set him off.

"Tracking Rodney down, sir. He left in the middle of something rather important and I wanted to make sure he was okay. As for N.C.I.S. ..... I didn't realize that's where we were." Sheppard has tried to subtly inch a little closer to Rodney but of course Gibbs notices. Gibbs notices -everything- , much to Sheppard's chagrin.

"We both agreed I'd never see you here  Colonel." Gibbs eyes Rodney, despite the fact that he is addressing Sheppard. Much like the Colonel, his eyes zero in on the position of Rodney's hands and he is NOT happy.

"Rule 18, Gibbs. It's better to ask forgiveness than ask permission." Sheppard bites the words out slightly and Rodney really can't blame him. The one time Sheppard and Gibbs met ... well, it's never good for two such similar men to meet.

"Wait, you guys know Gibbs' rules?" McGee seems a little surprised by that, and Rodney finds himself blushing. A lot.

"I may or may -not- be the reason for several of those rules." Rodney really didn't expect to say that, but couldn't stop the words. Gigilo suddenly half turns to face him, eyes wide in shocked amusement.

"Wait! You're -Dr. Rodney McKay-!" The look of mischievous understanding coupled with the glare that Gibbs is giving him, he curses internally.

Then immediately yanks his hands away and holds them up in the air for good measure.

"And you must be one very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo." The two men grin a little shyly at each other before turning back to the room.

"How do you know Gibbs?" The foreign woman looks suspiciously between him and Sheppard, and the last time Rodney felt this uncomfortable, Kolya whipped out a knife and started digging in his arm.

Some of his apprehension must show through,  because Sheppard is between him and the woman instantly. He's not even pretending to be anyhing but protective at the moment.

"I really don't like needing to state the obvious, but it seems to fall to me often enough. So, here it goes again .. it really is none of your  business. If Gibbs, or Sheppard and I, wanted you to know, we would've said something by now." Sheppard winced and seems to brace at Rodney's words, confusing the scientist.

"... you are correct. Excuse me." The foreign woman nods her head before turning and heading back to her desk. Sheppard gapes after her for a moment, apparently surprised that she had reacted so mildly.  But then, even Gibbs looks surprised. Or at least, as surprised as the stoic man is capable of.

"Sheppard. McKay. Follow me. The rest of you ... get on your reports." When it looks as if DiNozzo is gonna object, Gibbs increases the intensity of his glare and the man jumps to with a Yes Boss before Gibbs turns to look expectantly at him and Sheppard. They reluctanly trudge after him, neither having the guts to question where they're headed.

* * *

Rodney sniffs softly as Gibbs ushers them into a conference room. He had half expected to be escorted into an interrogation room.

"Oh wow. Figured you'd go for the interrogation room, Gibbs." By some miracle, Rodney doesn't facepalm at Sheppard's almost challenging words. Far too many times, Rodney has told his best friend that his smart mouth was going to get them in serious trouble one day.

"There's still time, Sheppard." Rodney winces and falls heavily into a seat, hunching into himself a little bit. He hates this. Hates listening to people he cares about fighting, even in this passive-aggressive way.

"Sheppard. Gibbs." He snaps at them both before crossing his arms over his chest and leveling his best annoyed look at them. 

The two men look away from each other instantly. It's odd to see an apologetic look on Gibbs' face, but it's there all the same. Sheppard drops his gaze and falls into the seat next to Rodney, causing him to lean away a little bit.

"Rodney .. what on Earth is goin' on here, kid? Aren't you two supposed to be in another galaxy?" It shocks Sheppard to hear a civilian talk so casually about Pegasus, but he knows that Gibbs knows. He's not supposed to, of course, but Gibbs isn't the first and probably won't be the last.

"We're on leave." Sheppard sounds a little petulant and Rodney rolls his eyes.

"I don't remember asking you, Colonel." The scientist sucks in a pained breath, struggling not to lash out at them as they begin to square off against each other again. "Why are you here, Rodney? You'd never pop up for no reason. Are you in trouble?" 

Once again, neither he or Sheppard are that surprised that trouble is the first place Gibbs' mind goes. The two of them have a way of attracting trouble in both galaxies. 

"No." Sheppard snaps, sinking down in his chair and looking even more petulant.

"Yes." Rodney sighs at the same time, fighting back a frown. Gibbs tenses immediately and settles across from Rodney with a scowl.

"Damn it, Rodney. Not this again!" The Colonel practically snarls the words, a tone he doesn't use often, especially toward him. 

(Sheppard usually only gets that vocal and feral when they are staring down the proverbial barell of death.)

"What's going on here, Rodney?"Gibbs voice has softened, become coaxing and astonishingly gentle. Rodney is upset that he trusts that voice so much.

"I'm not entirely sure, Gibbs. John and I .. we were granted leave for three days after ... well, after a close call ..."

"A -close call-, Rodney!? Your heart stopped -four- times. You're damn lucky the IOA didn't bust your ass right off Atlantis! I'm pretty sure I'd have voted to give you the boot! FOUR TIMES  RODNEY!" By the end, John is shouting and Gibbs actually looks approving rather than annoyed at the outburst.

"The -hell-, Rodney?? Why am I just now hearing about this? Your sister not know yet?" A flash of guilt nearly guts the scientist, but he shoves the feeling down. Squares his broad shoulders and stares the intimidating man down.

"That's a rich question coming from you, Gibbs. How many times did I actually hear about your near death experiences?? How many times did you actually call or write and tell me that you nearly died?? Don't pull that BS on me." He has tensed up so much that he can feel his fingernails digging into the flesh of his palms and he forces himself to relax a fraction. "And before you even try and say it, no. It isn't different because you're older, used to be a soldier, or any of that other stupidity. I knew the dangers when I joined the Stargate Program. So yeah, it was a close call."

He looks between Gibbs and Sheppard, practically daring either of them to contradict him. When they don't, he clears his throat and continues. 

"When we were granted leave, John insisted on planning it and I let him. Not something I would usually agree to, but Ronon was trying to show me something and Teyla was singing to her kid and I just blindly agreed. I should've known something was wrong when Sheppard suggested we take leave together." He glares at his best friend, who's still glaring at him.

"Rodney ... every leave I've known about, you and Sheppard have taken together. That ain't exactly unusual or new, kid." Rodney huffs and sinks a little deeper in his chair. By rule or law or whatever, Gibbs is supposed to be taking his side, damn it! 

"What? Well, I mean, it's expected that the whole team take time off at the same time, so it makes sense for me and John to spend some of that time together, since we're both on Earth and all." He rolls his eyes, frustrated that the simple logic of this seems lost on the older man.

"Rodney --" The scientist growls at Sheppard for interrupting, turning his angry gaze back to Gibbs.

"Everything seemed to be going great until we actually got a car and left Stargate Command. John took us to a surprisingly comfortable, posh hotel that met even my exacting standards and checked us in. However, once we actually got up to the room, despite the Jacuzzi tub, nice kitchen and magnificent entertainment centre, there was only -one- bed!" He chuffs angrily at the memory, surprised to see confusion on Gibbs' face.

"...so? You two have shared on missions before and correct me if I'm wrong, but you two share every time you come and visit me, so what's the big deal?" He can feel his jaw fall slack in gobsmacked frustration.

"Oh my God, those situations are -different- Jethro! Namely, there are no choices then! You only have the one guest room with the one bed, so of course we share. But if we are booked into a hotel, there are plenty of choices." He is trying so hard not to lose his temper! Gibbs is -smart-! He shouldn't need explanations like this!

"As if that madness wasn't bad enough! After he brushed me off about sharing a bed, he informed me that he wanted me to meet a few of his friends. Not that it wasn't obvious a man as charismatic, smart, and interesting as John wouldn't have friends, he'd never really wanted me to meet them before. So yeah, strange. But I agreed, because it obviously meant a lot to him." At this admission, Sheppard looks both embarrassed and pleased and Gibbs looks a little offended.

"Wait. You agreed to meet his friends but blatantly refuse to meet any of my team?" Rodney is aware that he's supposed to feel something specific here .. maybe guilty or contrite? But he doesn't. All he feels is confused.

"Yes, of course I did. You've told me all about your team, though you failed to mention that 'Probie' was, in fact, Timothy McGee. Had I known that, I would have agreed to meet them. Anyway. You've told me all about them, which really just negated needing to meet them whereas John had told me nothing of his friends. If I wanted information, meeting them would be necessary." He knows that he is sounding more and more frustrated, but he can't help himself!

"That .. Rodney ... you know what? Never mind. We'll come back to that. Continue." Rodney shifts uncomfortably in his seat, wriggling a little before he sneaks a peek at Sheppard.

He feels as if his heart is going to stop. His friend looks so .. dejected. Rejected and a little broken and once again, Rodney is left befuddled. If he lived a thousand years ... hell, if he managed to ascend and become an all knowing being, he's still pretty sure he would never understand John Sheppard.

"We had finished unpacking when John informed me that we had to head out. We met five people, two women and three men, at a little mom'n'pop bar/tavern place. They were interesting. Not as smart or seasoned as John, but interesting. Lilah was particularly intriguing. Reminded me of Sam, but a little sweeter." At this, Sheppard actually growls and kicks the leg of the table.

When the Colonel begins to mutter, he only catches a few words.

"Lilah .. knew better ... backstabbing .... blond glitch ..." Gibbs snorts rather unattractively before looking at him to continue. He dares one more confused look at his friend before he turns back to the older man.

"Anyway. We were there for about ... an hour and a half ... we had eaten, had a few drinks, and Lilah asked for my number. Of course, we had already explained that we were stationed someplace rather remote and didn't get a lot of time away. However, she seemed undeterred. She still wanted it, which was a little baffling, I admit. Just as I found a pen and started to write it down, Sheppard lost his mind." Sheppard jerks upright and opens his mouth, ready to protest no doubt!

"Don't start with me, -Colonel-! Insanity is the -only- explanation for you PROPOSING!" The last word is practically roared because Rodney is fuming. He's been mocked, ridiculed, humiliated, and generally treated like scum for the majority of his life ... he never expected John to do the same. He honestly thought they were better friends than that.

"Wait wait wait! You're telling me you stormed N.C.I.S., grabbed my Senior Field Agent, and caused a general ruckus because Sheppard -proposed- to you??" A muscle under Gibbs' eye and another in his jaw spasm even as his eyes narrow dangerously.

"Yes! Exactly!" Rodney feels an instant rush of warmth now that Gibbs seems to understand. Which is why he's -very- shocked when Gibbs gives him a sharp headslap. "Ow!! What the HELL, Jethro!?" It's his turn to glare petulantly as he sinks back down into his chair.

"I'm officially declaring you the dumbest idiot in two galaxies, kid. Running away was just stupid. If you're not ready to get married yet, all you had to do was -tell- Sheppard that. He may be a dumbass half the time but he ain't ever been the type to try and rush you in that department."

It's anyone's guess who looks more dumbstruck at the moment:

Sheppard, because Gibbs not only seems to -get- it, but also because he hasn't tried to warn McKay away or point out just how much Rodney is too good for him.

Rodney, because it sounds an awful lot like Gibbs seems to think Colonel John Sheppard proposing to him isn't odd, fully out of character, or any of the other things it should be.

"Thank you, Gibbs." The sincerity in Sheppard's voice is overwhelming but Rodny is still stuck on this other bit.

"Oh for the love of .... Gibbs! It's not a matter of me wanting or not wanting to get married! It's a matter of Sheppard being compromised!! He's obviously been infected by something, possessed, or he's come in contact with some ancient piece of tech that scrambled his BRAIN because that is the only reason a man like him would propose to me out of the blue like that!"  No sooner have the words been uttered, than Sheppard is leaping to his feet so aggressively, that Rodney wants to shrink back.

He is so very -proud- of himself for standing his ground despite how afraid he feels. He watches in puzzlement as Sheppard yanks something out of his pocket and then slams it on the table top.

Rodney actually stops breathing for half a minute as he tries to comprehend what he's seeing.

"That look spur of the damn moment to you, McKay??" No, of course it doesn't. The Colonel has just produced a large gold wedding band.

"Is ... is that .. " He's not sure what possesses him to ask, since he has no genuine way of knowing. He's never actually seen it before.

"Yeah ..... yeah, it is. It, uh, it was Dad's and, uhm, Granddad's before him." 

Rodney feels as if he might hyperventilate. Because this means thought and planning. Or, at least some conscious decision on Sheppard's part, else he wouldn't actually be carrying the thing. 

Colonel John Sheppard has actually considered marrying him. 

What. The. Hell??

It takes all of his willpower not to slap the ring off the table and then slap his best friend for good measure.

"I was gonna wait .. try and .. and, I don't know, do this proper or something but then your -heart stopped- and you were gonna give Lilah your number and I was so sure I was gonna lose you again ... I know I could've handled it better, but you didn't have to run away." 

Rodney throws his hands up in defeat before waving them in Sheppard's general direction.

"And -this- is where the -insanity- comes in, Jethro! Because it apparently makes sense to Colonel Sheppard to propose to someone he's never gone out with! We've never dated, let alone kissed or anything but he thinks it's a good idea to get married! You can see the crazy, yes?" Surely, -FINALLY- Gibbs will understand!

"The only crazy I'm seein' here, Rodney ... is you, kiddo. You and Sheppard have been datin' as long as I've known the jackass. That Don't Ask, Don't Tell bullshit is over with, McKay. There's no reason for this. I've never known you to shy away from something you really wanted. There's no reason to start now." 

Okay. So, whatever the hell is going on here is obviously -contagious-! Because that is the -only- explanation for why Gibbs is buying into this madness.

There is no -logic- to what Gibbs is saying!

"Oh dear God, this madness is spreading! Sheppard and I have -never dated-, Jethro. We are teammates and, well, Sheppard is my best friend, but we are not .. together." The very thought of saying something like boyfriends make his stomach ache and his palms sweat. He's much too old for this boyfriend/girlfriend nonsense. 

"Rodney .." Sheppard sighs his name and is back to that level of exasperated fondness that never ceases to amaze the scientist. He will likely never say this out loud, but he really doesn't deserve Sheppard as a friend. 

Hell, he doesn't deserve any of his team as the odd little family they've become.

"Rodney, buddy ... we've basically been dating since we stepped through the Stargate. I mean, come on. We literally spent every moment we weren't working playing that Sims game together. We ate almost every meal together. When I was turning into a bug, you risked your life on a mission in which you literally had no qualification to go on, to help get the eggs to make the cure and save my life. And during that... that second childhood stuff, it's my name you kept hollering, me you came running to. Not to mention ... Rodney ... losing you was my biggest fear. -That's- what that fear monster thing did. It showed me you flatlining .... you DYING and it was ... I still have nightmares about that, Rodney." 

He's speechless. Though Sheppard doesn't usually say a lot, he knows how to use his words. How to have the biggest impact when he speaks.

Rodney stumbles back to his chair and nearly falls into it as he struggles not to freak out! He's been dating Sheppard since they came to Atlantis... and the asshole didn't even have the courtesy to -tell- him!! With an almighty snarl, he reaches out and headslaps Sheppard in the same fashion Gibbs often does to his team. (Especially the gigilo.) Sheppard yelps in surprise and rubs at the spot.

"What the hell was that for!?" 

"For not -telling me we're dating-, Colonel!" Rodney is prepared to headslap him again, but Gibbs beats him to it. Sheppard yelps again and openly glares at the older man.

"That's for being stupid, Colonel. All of this could've been avoided if you had told him. You -KNOW- how Rodney gets with some things, idiot." Before Sheppard can say anything in his defense, Rodney delivers a third and final headslap, scowling at his .... significant other? Whatever.

"And -THAT- is for being stupid and letting me date Brown and Keller. Why on Earth would you do that? And don't even get me -started- on Chaya and Teer!" Rodney is seething at this point! His emotions this odd, heaving thing inside of him.

"Stop doing that, damn it! How the hell does your pretty boi not have brain damage? And like Gibbs said, Rodney ... Don't Ask, Don't Tell. It's not as if we could've had a full relationship back at the beginning." 

.....

.....

Rodney thinks he might actually murder his numbskull boyfriend. (And he is refusing to analyze the fact he used the b-word.)

"John Sheppard, you utter moron!! Those archaic rules were suspended by your President for all soldiers involved in the Atlantis expedition. Hell, maybe for all Stargate personal, given the fact that O'Neil and Jackson are the worst kept Secret at Stargate Command. Not mention Lorne and Dr. Parrish have been together since halfway through Evan's first year, Sheppard." 

"... seriously? I mean, I heard the rumors about O'Neil but Lorne? Really? Huh." Rodney can feel a muscle under his eye jump and he exhaled sharply.

"Tell me you at -least-know about Gibbs and --"

"Nephew or not, I will -end- you, Meredith, and Abbs will help get rid of the body." Rodney winces at that visual and offers his Uncle a sheepish smile.

"Yes yes, alright. Your secret is safe with me." He rolls his eyes before he grabs up the wedding band and easily works it on to his finger. 

"So. Does this mean you've gotten your head out of your ass, kid?" Rodney scowls but lifts his hand, showing the wedding band.

"Duh." Sheppard reaches out to grab him at the wrist before he can put his hand down. John's eyes are wide and full of a mixture of hope and fear. His flyboy is nothing if not a contradiction most times. 

"Wait. That mean you're saying -Yes-, McKay??" Rodney  barely refrains from rolling his eyes again or growling in frustration.

"Duh. Would I be wearing this otherwise, John? Though I'm vetoing a few things right now. No ring bearer, no flower girl, I don't care how much Torren or Madison pout. If I have my way, Jeannie won't even be coming. You, however, will be there, Uncle. I will send every single Atlantis Recon team if I have to. Hmm ... might even get Little Bunny to come."

"No. I get to veto the guy that tried to win you over with Hobbit poetry. In fact, I vote -no- exes or potential partners be allowed. For my sanity." Rodney wriggles a little, heat pouring into his cheeks as he blushes.

"That ... might not be possible. I mean, we'd have to exclude a -lot- of people, John. Lorne, Ronon, Radek, half of my department, actually and at least ... four of your Marines. Several of the foreign soldiers as well. Oh! And, like, two thirds of the botany department have been working up the nerve to ask you out. So, they'd be excluded, too." As Rodney counts all of these people off, Sheppard is getting angrier and angrier.

"Huh. I think I finally understand your reaction to Chaya ... cause I want to kick all of them off Atlantis ...... and punch Lorne and Chewie in the face while I'm at it." Rodney ducks his head for a moment before clearing his throat and looking at the Colonel again.

"Lorne happened long before Atlantis, John. Why do you think we snipe so much at each other? He can get a Little snappy at Jackson, too. Of course, O'Neil doesn't know anything about that or I'm pretty sure he would've had me exiled again. If not outright killed. He scares me a little. As for Ronon ... well, it was only the one time. We were both upset and he and I had already discussed that Satedans had two ways of dealing with it. And, well, since I wasn't about to get my ass kicked with Bantos rods, we opted for option two." Rodney can't help but grin fondly at the memory of just how surprised, and pleased, the man had been afterward. "Well, I mean, he asked for a repeat several times, but I wasn't really interested." Rodney yowls in pain at the rather rough headslap Gibbs gives him.

"That is -NOT- something I want to be hearing about your sex life, kid. Not to mention, -really- not helping your situation." Gibbs nods in Sheppard's direction to emphasize his point.

Sheppard looks downright murderous.

"Oh, he's dead. I'm gonna tranq him, steal that killer gun, and then leave him tied up as Wraith bait!" Oh wow.

So, Sheppard does actually care. He has actual -feelings-. Rodney sucks in a shakey breath.

"You're actually in love with me." He whispers the words softly, utterly in awe of this revelation.

Sheppard blinks heavily before the corner of his mouth quirks in a shy smile he so rarely shows. And now that he looks back at it, he's pretty sure he's the -only- one Sheppard has ever looked at like that. 

"Duh, Rodney." It's not the confirmation he was hoping for, but it's so purely -Sheppard- that he suddenly feels lightheaded and giddy.

"Please leave." Gibbs words ruin the budding moment a bit, but Rodney grins anyway. He crosses the room and pulls Gibbs into a tight hug that the man returns instantly. If his team saw such a reaction, Gibbs would never hear the end of it.

"Sorry. Of course, Uncle. Tell Abbs I said hi and sorry for not coming to see her. I'll call later with the details. See you later, Uncle." Rodney squeezes him once and then let's go, walking toward the door as he pulls a little device out of his pocket. 

Gibbs turns his cold, stern gaze on Sheppard as they eye each other.

"If you hurt him, Colonel .... I -will- come all the way to Pegsus and make you regret it." Sheppard eyes him for a moment longer before holding his hand out.

"Wouldn't have to, Gunny. I'd report straight here and let you do what you needed to do." And the thing is, it isn't bluster or Sheppard saying what he thinks Gibbs wants to hear. He means it. He'd die for Rodney but he's not sure he'd be able to live for him if he was gone.

"Good. Get out of here." He watches Sheppard about face and walk to the door.

"By the way .... Stiles is dating an older guy that was wanted for questioning in two murders." Rodney singsongs that information out right before Sheppard slings an arm around his shoulders and they disappear as they walk through the doorway.

Gibbs is in no way surprised. McKay stopped surprising him whdn he was barely knee high to a grasshopper. Instead, Gibbs sinks wearily into a chair, dreading his team. There's no way I  hell they will let this go, and even less of  chance that he's going to explain it. 

Stalemate it is, then.

Now, to deal with Stiles!

**Fin**

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't want to ruin the Uncle/Nephew surprise, so I'm posting this at the end. 
> 
> Gibbs is Rodney's blood Uncle. For the sake of this story, Jackson Gibbs wasn't always faithful. McKay's Mom is Gibbs half sister. I couldn't really figure out how to work that information in as the story was developing.
> 
> I don't plan for this to be a one shot, because I -really- want to write Gibbs meeting Derek, but I'm not sure how soon I can start on the other.


End file.
